Spending a Little Time
My wife’s been doing a little reading from the avalanche of parenting books and articles (and blog posts) that it’s tough to avoid these days – and she passed on this little nugget that’s of particular interest to work-at-home dads.
Basically, some research has found that when our kids are acting needy – you know, pulling at your pant legs, crying inconsolably, throwing tantrums – it’s because well, you haven’t met their quota of quality time with them.
Sounds like a no-brainer, right? But how often do we go for the quick fix – looking for something to distract or occupy or satisfy them for that moment – anything to get them to be quiet… And it might work for a little bit, before it starts right back up again, and suddenly everyone’s frustration level is rising and rising.
So here’s the common sense advice that we all know is the answer, but don’t often really take the time to put into practice – When your kids are telling us they need more of our attention, give it to them. No, seriously give it to them. I mean drop everything, close the laptop, get off the phone and spend a few minutes just focusing on your child. Read a few books, go for a walk, turn up the radio and spend some time dancing, get out the coloring book, whatever. Point is, just engage with your child on their terms.
It seems so simple, but why don’t we put it into practice enough? Ever had that fear that if you give in to your child’s needs on their terms that they’ll just continue to take more and more, want more and more, or gasp! Become spoiled?
But here’s the thing – it doesn’t really work that way, and in fact that problem is probably rooted in some problems that you have with your own upbringing, but that’s a whole other section of the parenting book avalanche for another time – when you meet your child’s quota of attention, it makes them feel secure and confident enough in your love to be able to play more independently. In other words, somewhat sadly, the more love and attention you shower on your kids, the less they’ll need it. Or at least it might appear that way – but never fear, if we’re doing our job as Dads – they’ll come to know that there’s no such thing as too much, and that they deserve all they’re given.